Books, Life, Recountings

the christian version of the bachelor (and other books)

I have been reading books. Here are my thoughts on three of them …

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The Beautiful Pretender by Melanie Dickerson

It’s a crying shame, because I feel as though if I was in my early teens I would have loved every single one of Dickerson’s works. However, I don’t. I enjoyed her Rapunzel retelling, but haven’t been able to really connect to any other books of hers.

It’s awful, but her books just don’t click with me. I can’t get past my outrage that nettles do NOT have needles you can pull out (I’m looking at you, The Merchant’s Daughter) and I couldn’t stop comparing The Beautiful Pretender to The Bachelor.

Image result for ashley i bachelor gif

Only here, the women aren’t judged for their beauty of their face, but the beauty of their soul. I just … no. It feels icky. The idea of young women lining up for one lucky gent to wave a soul scanner over them and be like ‘yup, you is good and kind and all *wiggles eyebrows* wanna be the Bathsheba to my David?’ is just …Image result for say what gifIt just doesn’t feel right, man.

Conclusion: alas, it wasn’t for me

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The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison

It’s high fantasy and oh my goodness gracious there were so. many. names to remember. It took me till about the half way point before I had worked out who was who. And even then there was a PLOT TWIST! and I was all: wait, who?!

But I loved it. Because forget the names (literally. haha.) Maia is a genuinely good person. And how often do you find that in fiction? He’s been horribly beaten up by his uncle for the greater portion of his life, and look what he has to say, when he’s the Emperor and could have the man desiccated like a cocoanut if he wanted to:

‘In our inmost and secret heart, which you ask us to bare to you, we wish to banish them as we were banished, to a cold and lonely house, in the charge of a man who hated us. And we wish them trapped there as we were trapped.’

‘You consider that unjust, Serenity?’

‘We consider it cruel,’ Maia said. ‘And we do not think that cruelty is ever just.’

It’s a book you don’t want to end. (But then you realise it’s 3:37 in the morning and you probably should get some sleep.)

Conclusion: will re-read. And cry. Again

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Shadow Spinner by Susan Fletcher

I’ve read three retellings of A Thousand and One Nights and I rather think that this is my favourite. I like the fact that no magic is used and yet it feels magical.

The thing about life is, no matter what happens to you, it goes on. What seems like an ending is really a beginning in disguise.

I still don’t like the King/Sultan/Dude Man on the throne. Why? Because how can you excuse killing a load of innocent women? Saying ‘oh, it’s because I had a broken heart’ IS NOT AN EXCUSE.

Image result for glasses down shaking head gif

One Thousand Nights probably had the best reason (if you can have a ‘best’ reason for slaughtering your wives) and The Wrath and the Dawn is still:

Image result for cringe gif

(If you’re going to kill someone because you have ACTUAL PROOF he’s a homicidal maniac – do it. Don’t stop because ‘ohmergosh, his bootiful faciness is sad’ Dude’s probably constipated.)

Conclusion: will remember. And pick up to re-read certain passages.

What books have you read recently? Spill the beans! What did you think to them?


You may or may not be wondering ‘what happened to the podcast, Ness?’ Well, I’ll tell you – life. Life happened. If it’s a choice between writing or making an episode, I’m going to go with writing. I’ve got projects to finish, unicorn cats to describe. Until I feel organised again, alas, the podcast is on hold.
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4 thoughts on “the christian version of the bachelor (and other books)”

  1. Lol. Oh my word. You are a gift to the world, my dear. “The Bathsheba to my Solomon” got me hard. And the wiggly eyebrow gif!

    The Goblin Emperor sounds like an intriguing story. I’m not really good with very wordy fiction which is why I don’t read a lot of sci-fi (way too many words about spaceship engines and spacedust specs clogging turbines and whatnot) or high fantasy. But I do like fantasy.

    “His bootiful faciness is sad. Dude’s probaly constipated”… I’m dying, lol. Gold. I haven’t read the book but I know in my soul that that kinda romance would’ve driven me crazy. And I’m the annoying kind of reader that has to understand why things are happening and if I don’t, I go crazy (and annoy the heck out of my sister by telling her all my searing pain with the show/book I’m watching).
    Like literally, I was so mad during the Superman Returns movie because Superman was on an island made of Kryptonite and I wanted to walk out of the theater becuz I COULDN’T UNDERSTAND WHY HE WAS WALKING AROUND WITH NO SYMPTOMS on an island MADE OF KRYPTONITE!!! *panting* *slowly exhales and releases years of pent of rage over a lame movie*. *starts singing campfire songs of peace*

    1. FORGIVE ME FOR TAKING SO LONG TO RESPOND!

      Ranting about books and movies that frustrate you is very cathartic.

      Ha! I mean, you expect a Superman movie to be a little bit bonkers, BUT NOT ILLOGICAL!

      I’m still feeling a little betrayed over The Star-Touched Queen which the world SAID was amazing and poetic and other such wonderous things. But was it? Was it?!!!

      *throws up hands*

      HOW CAN YOU HAVE LITERAL CONSTELLATIONS IN A HAIR PIECE? How?!

  2. I’ve not read the book, but your review is definitely entertaining! One slight issue though …Bathsheba was Solomon’s mum! I think you mean “Bathsheba to my David”?. Lol. We all got what you meant though.

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